Khadija and Rondell

Khadija and Rondell waited 7 years for Khadija's family to approve of their relationship. Luckily, Khadija is a wedding planner and the couple got engaged and married in 2 weeks! Read our interview with Khadija to learn how she and Rondell met, fell in love, and persevered.

How they met

We met at a boxing class. I joined a boxing workout class with a friend, and 2 weeks later, Rondell walked in, and everything stopped for me. I immediately felt that this was the man I was going to marry. We started dating a couple of weeks later. We've had many difficulties in our relationship, but I kept going because I felt like we were meant to be.

How they overcame religious differences

When we started dating, we agreed that I wasn't going to marry a non-Muslim and he wasn't going to marry a non-Christian. Two years later, we realized that we liked each other, and we wanted to be serious. We realized that we can't change race and culture, but religion is something we could change. For three years, we learned together about faith. It was tough, but it made our relationship stronger. We learned and respected each other.

My parents wouldn't even consider Rondell as a partner unless he was a Muslim. I wanted him to convert for the love of the religion and not just for me. Rondell converted to Islam about 5 years into our relationship.

How they overcame family opposition

I come from a tight-knit Gujarati community. Most marry within the community and live within a 1-mile radius. Most marry young and marry with parental consent. I always thought I was going to marry a Desi guy. It's the easy way. Most people don't want to disobey their parents. You know that it's going to be tough. In a million years, I never thought I would marry someone outside our community.

I didn't want to tell my parents until Rondell converted, and I was sure he was serious. One day Rondell was driving my car, and my mom happened to drive by and see us. It was the scariest thing ever. I went home, and my parents were so upset. There was nothing I could say.

We spent another two years convincing my parents. We didn't know when or if we were ever going to get married. I felt torn. I wondered whether I should let Rondell go because I didn't know what the future would hold.

My parents told me to break it off, and they emotionally blackmailed me. Indian parents do so much for you, but they also emotionally blackmail you. For example, they kept showing me other marriage proposals. My parents always said I would get an arranged marriage, but Islam doesn't restrict us to one culture. I kept bringing scripture into it and called them hypocritical.

His family was upset, too, that he was converting to Islam since he's Christian. His mom was also upset that her son couldn't move forward with his life and my parents' disapproved of our relationship. It's tough to explain my parents' reaction.

My dad decided to meet Rondell about 6 years into our relationship. I was always scared to talk to my parents. I was scared of the argument that would happen. My parents never took me seriously. I was nervous, but one day at breakfast, I told my dad that I wanted to marry Rondell. This time he actually listened. He didn't bark at me. He said that he had prayed to ask God to show him the right way, and this seemed to be a sign, so my dad finally agreed to meet him.

Then, my dad tested Rondell for 2-3 months. My dad had him come to the mosque for 30 days, fast for Ramadan, and meet my imam. And then he went radio silent. My dad focused on "what will the community think?" My dad again met with Rondell and asked whether he could support me, even though I'm an independent woman and can support myself! My dad also said that he doesn't want me to move away if we do get married. Again, my dad took a few more months.

We started dating on January 3rd, 2012, and on January 3rd, 2019, 7 years later, my dad approved of our relationship. We then got engaged, married, and moved in within 2-3 weeks.

My mom was completely against our relationship. She would call me crying. There was a lot of emotional blackmail, like coming to breakfast and ignoring me. She didn't talk to me for months. She was my best friend, so that was really hard.

I'm an event planner, and my mom loves weddings. She wanted to get involved in my wedding, but she couldn't do it. She didn't want anyone at the nikkah, but she said that I could have a reception. We did a 100-person reception and a nikkah with our immediate families. Before the nikkah, my mom was crying and asked me many times if I was sure I wanted to get married.

The day after our wedding, we came over, and my mom was super excited. Now, my mom and Rondell get along really well. Everything switched after we got married, and Rondell didn't hold a grudge. He has a good heart, and he's able to forgive and forget. He didn't hold it against my parents, and my parents didn't hold it against him. Now, we all have a good relationship. We all live close by. To this day, we can't believe that we are where we are.

How Khadija handled the stress of her parents' disapproval

My mental health was not where it should have been. I was 31, and I wanted to marry someone outside our community, and a black man and a convert at that. Emotionally and mentally, it was exhausting to always keep up a lie. It was depressing having two different lives that didn't merge together. I wanted to get married, and I didn't know what the future held. I couldn't talk to anyone. My siblings didn't want to talk about it because they didn't understand. I told Rondell that we should break up because I didn't know if my parents would ever agree. I felt this added pressure that I was holding him back.

How Khadija and Rondell's relationship changed after marriage

Because it took so long for us to be together, we had a learning curve in living together. We didn't move in until we got married. Suddenly, in two weeks, we got married and moved in. We didn't talk about a lot of the little things that come with living with someone. We're grateful to be with each other because it took so long, and it was so tough to get here. We have a sense of gratitude.

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